Star Wars is my favorite thing in the world. If I could trade my soul with Satan for a star wars doll I would fricken do it. I own every single piece of Star Wars themed merch in the world, even the complete set of Star Wars dildos. I even own the Slave Leia bra and panties and I go to work in it every day. I bring my lightsaber to work every day and I beat the shit out of everyone there. I also pump the Star Wars theme song 24/7 and my co-workers try to murder me but the force is strong with me and I kill them all with my bare hands. I meet George Lucas and Jar Jar Binks and fuck them sooooooooo hard. One day I bonked my head on my Star Wars decorated floor and I had an epiphany, after my ten year coma. My epiphany was that Star Wars episode seven The Force Awakens is coming out. I peed myself. I woke up from my coma and went to the theaters. That was the worst decision in my life. When I arrived to the theaters nobody was at opening night. WTF but I bought my fuckin ticket anyway and the film was all like playing the Star Wars theme. DAAAAAAAAA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DUH DUH DUH DUUUUUUUH DAAAAAAA DUH DUH DUH DAAAAA DA DUH DUH DUH DAAAA DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUUUUH DAAAAA duh DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DHU DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHDUDUUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUUDUDUDUDUDUDUDUUDUDUDUDUUUUUUUDUUUUUUDUUUUUUUDUUUUUAAAADADADADADADAAAAAD DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHDUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH WAH WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAH. Luke Skywalker jumped up at the end and he began to do a breakdance but since he was old he broke his back. I sobbed a little. Then there was a lot of static. I sobbed a little more. Then Han Solo walked over to Leia and said "I can't believe Luke is dead. Leia whimpered and cried a lot. Then the film ended. I said "That, was, AWESOME." I walked home and played the guitar! And then I always loved Star Wars. Wait, this is a scary story? OH SHIT! Jar Jar came into my room and beat the shit out of me. I tried my best to fend him off but he was too strong. "GOD DANGIT" I screamed Jar beat the shit out of me more. I sobbed a lot. Then I force pushed him back. Then I snapped Jar Jar's skull in half and ran away. George Lucas appeared in the shadows and took out his lightsaber. I took out mine and so we fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought and fought until he cut off my hand. I screaamed and stabbed George Lucas in his fat stomach.
CONTINUED IN PART 2.